It is October 2017...almost 9 years since I lost you...since you died my sweet love...my Travis...nine years??? NINE YEARS WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE HERE ON EARTH???...How can that be?...and I go on???...It astonishes me...numb and broken...in many ways still...but I know at some point I took hold of God's outstretched hand and He helped me gather up my broken heartpieces and create it anew...and He continues to lift me up higher and higher out of that darkest pit of despair...sometimes Im weary and I falter and tell Him, " Father, I cannot go on...I don't want to go on...I am without my love, without my Travis."...but He doesn't let go of my hand...and I continue to hold on and hang on...for I hear His beautiful voice never giving up on me...ever-patient encouraging me, assuring me, "I am here...live." And I know tho an ever-present agonizing pain of deepest sorrow...God is with me and you my love are still with me always, your memory lives on in me...in everything...my broken heart reminds me in this new life lived in grief...of you...of us...of our beautiful sacred love.Like a heavy cloak worn around my shoulders...everyday...it is awful and yet somewhat comforting...grieving is our new life...I am missing you...every cell in my body misses you, aches for you, yearns for you, my sweet sweet love...love of my life...and I know, although you are in eternal peace...you are missing me...remembering me...no tears in Heaven???...I know you cried one tear for me...and so we wait for that day when both candle flames will be snuffed out and the ribbons of lovely scented candlesmoke will intertwine and together rise higher and higher up to the Most High...never to part again...never to part again.
It is October 2017...almost 9 years since I lost you...since you died my sweet love...my Travis...nine years??? NINE YEARS WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE HERE ON EARTH???...How can that be?...and I go on???...It astonishes me...numb and broken...in many ways still...but I know at some point I took hold of God's outstretched hand and He helped me gather up my broken heartpieces and create it anew...and He continues to lift me up higher and higher out of that darkest pit of despair...sometimes Im weary and I falter and tell Him, " Father, I cannot go on...I don't want to go on...I am without my love, without my Travis."...but He doesn't let go of my hand...and I continue to hold on and hang on...for I hear His beautiful voice never giving up on me...ever-patient encouraging me, assuring me, "I am here...live." And I know tho an ever-present agonizing pain of deepest sorrow...God is with me and you my love are still with me always, your memory lives on in me...in everything...my broken heart reminds me in this new life lived in grief...of you...of us...of our beautiful sacred love.Like a heavy cloak worn around my shoulders...everyday...it is awful and yet somewhat comforting...grieving is our new life...I am missing you...every cell in my body misses you, aches for you, yearns for you, my sweet sweet love...love of my life...and I know, although you are in eternal peace...you are missing me...remembering me...no tears in Heaven???...I know you cried one tear for me...and so we wait for that day when both candle flames will be snuffed out and the ribbons of lovely scented candlesmoke will intertwine and
ReplyDeletetogether rise higher and higher up to the Most High...never to part again...never to part again.
...and so my feelings almost nine years since that sad twelfth of November in 2008...on this Saturday the twenty first day of October 2017.
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